Settlement... I've been staying within the borders of my own country for more than two months now. That's the normalcy if you are not uber-rich or if you are not working at an uber-global company. Because of my company, it's not my normalcy. I signed my contract with no marked desire to travel across borders like a wild cat, but the first two days of my business life I was in Ireland. The next two weeks, I was in London. Third week, I finally arrived at my office in Istanbul, stayed there for a day to meet my colleagues and the next day I was in Spain for a whole week of sales conference...
Travelling has become an urge for me within the past two years. The need rises and itches me. When people ask me where I'd rather be at some point in time, I think of an airplane. Above the clouds. Close to moon. Close to sun. Even its dream is like a deep breath. I even find silly reasons to go to the airport and just be close to departure gates. It's not just meeting new people, regular sightseeing or the joy of culture shocks... All details in the whole experience are gold for me. My travels have become the very milestones of my life, marking the end of one era and the beginning of the next. That's how my history is divided, and that's what I expect of the future.
At this point, as for clarification,
- Yes, I watched Up in the Air and yes it did appeal to me very much,
- No, I haven't become a little spoiled girl who finds it hard to put together a proper life in one place,
- No, I am not trying to escape from some dark past life that bugs me at my origin country,
- No, I am not trying to escape from the uncommon texture of this country either,
- No, I don't feel as if I belong nowhere, on the contrary, I feel as if I belong everywhere.
But I've been here for a while now. And settlement feels... addictive as well. People you know start expecting to see you weekly or bi-weekly, no more "I'm here for the weekend, let's meet"s, they just pop into your house with a couple of drinks. Your plans are readily made for you. And people-you-don't-know-yet are more inclined to meet and jump into your life, assured with your presence. Apart from your exponentially growing social circle and sustainable private life, you invest in yourself by taking up long-term hobbies, making longer commitments, embracing your customized home as a place to live and not just a place to stay. Then you look out the window to see planes go by... Watching your alternate reality fly away, watching yourself let go of all the choices and lives that you could have had, but didn't, simply because you chose to stay... A few failed attempts taken in wrong directions keep you further away from the exit sign. But the trade-offs and if's accumulate on your shoulders and make it harder for you to breathe, especially when it's time to go home in the evenings, you run short of air. And it never gets any better, in time you only get more scared, fearing all the sacrifices you have done so far to stay, and afraid that, in a moment of enlightenment, your emotional & fiscal investment will dissipate. But as you stay on the ground, you loose sight of the bigger picture, and you tend forget. You forget what your essentials were, and slowly drown in customized details.
