Reassessing My Mindshare

To free my mind, I want to be alone in the loathing city this evening. avoiding the usual chatter with my close ones. I look for a non-familiar restaurant in the supposedly-intellectual-part-of-town. I sit outside in the soothing wind, take out my addicting novel, order a cold beer, and start thinking.

I've been thinking a lot lately. This thinking process differs a great deal from my past sessions, because now, I'm thinking of what to think.

I'm trying to break my thought patterns because some of them might be constructed wrong from the start. I might not be caring about the things that I make myself believe that I do. When these wrong beliefs/patterns mess with me subconsciously, they end up making me uneasy on a conscious level. So, at regular intervals, I elaborate on my mind-map to see how much of my vision is blurred by biasses.

It's obvious... Within this era, people are very successfully manipulated to think what is in the best interest of mass-manipulators. Some people think of career, some think of relationships, some think of growing plants, some think of politics, some think of their hobbies, some think of their families, some think of building a family... etc. Used to depend a lot on roots and upbringing... Now it mostly depends on what globalization puts on the table as food for thought. Oh, and, there lies a very tiny fraction of thoughts in your head that is only inspired by who you are, if that is of any comfort to you. Today, I'm trying to get to that part.

To do that, I have to identify and eliminate what I was taught to think and what I'm encouraged to think.

It's relatively easy to see the effects of my home-country on my values/character/focus points rather than the effects of globalization which is forming a common denominator for each society. So it's easier to detest the prior.

Well, there I am, twisting my efforts of questioning my mind-share to end up in a familiar topic like my relation with my home-country... So much for a free mind...

So, I challenge myself with a new approach to solve my problem: I don't force myself to nibble my food for thought. I open up my addicting book and let intuition lead the way into my subconscious, and I taste the essence of my mind all along the meal.

we are we are... the youth of nation

My generation keeps talking about how similar our lives were when we were children: the cartoons we watched, the music that rocked etc...

We were alike.

Well, "we" are still very much alike. I can't promise about the whole youth but people within my sight keep bragging about how "unique" they believe themselves to be within the crowd based on the common grounds listed below.

So... who are we?

- We have a longing to turn to basics

We were born to get our swords and slash a few heads in massive wars, yet we sit all day in front of 15 inch screens typing with clean-cut nails. Our power is trapped, so we watch small demos of violent nature on Discovery, or big-budget action movies on Hollywood screens. We lead armies on pc's or dwarfs in FRP. Extreme sports are at the core of our distinctive CV's showing how wild we are. Oh, and, how much we would love to go to Africa and join some un-done tribe! How much we love the careless African music that appeals to our most basic instincts and drives our feet off the ground!

- We are or we have been blindly obsessed

with at least one person, maybe two, that we cannot seem to kick off our lives despite all these years. We are sure that no one ever loved this much in human history. Well, we can't call it love -maybe soulmates-, it's something more, something more sick, something more connected and definitely bloody.

- We believe that we are thinking out of the box

without even identifying which box it is that we are talking about. "The others" are trapped, we are not. Well, we seem to be for now but we'll surely find a way out because we have brilliant ideas that no one else has. Once we find the right moment, no one will be able to stop us.

- We are inborn backpackers

Hitchiking or motorcycles imply an adventurous soul. Travelling is our passion. When people start talking about their adventures abroad, we sure have something to add in, or some comment about any country. "You want to go there as well?? Let's go together!" "Yes!!! We definitely should!!!" is a conversation that we are tired of hearing over and over. If only we could find enough free time, we would do a lot more of road-trippin, the Easy Rider style... And this time we would go East instead of going West, which is more genuine, more down to earth, more saved from the boring rules of civilization. Frankly, the only place we truly loved within the boring civilization was Spain. We can't name the reasons why but, there, we had so much fun!

- We are restless and we want some rest

A soulmate would be soothing but it's hard to find nowadays.

- We LOVE food. We also love showing off our love for food

In case you don't know, the cuisine of our home-town is numero uno whatever that home-town is.

- We choose our passions according to the fashion

As a hobby, we tried getting into photography. We will start taking improvisation lessons soon, or a dance lesson. We tried volunteering in high school or the university, but we will do more of it, once we find the right time and the right philiantrophy project.

- We are into cinema

We watched Matrix and Fight Club more than once. We can't do without Hollywood but the magic is in the Requiem for a Dream, Clockwork Orange, Mullholland Drive and all alike.

- We are masters of empathy

We observe people's behaviours carefully and spend a remarkable amount of time and effort on psychological and sociological analyses. Human mind is controllable once you know how to, so we take results of brain & behaviour researches very seriously.

- Words are very unnecessary

SMS existed before icq info pages or msn/facebook status messages did, so we sent most meaningful lyrics to girls/guys we liked as messages so that they would have a sense of how deep we felt about them. Nowadays we send links from videos on YouTube. But this sometimes leads to confusions as the song-writer doesn't have our particular relationship in mind when writing the whole song: some parts of lyrics contradict with what we mean in general. Or sometimes we are not sure which parts are addressed to us. Still, we feel as if we are part of the strongest relationship ever.

- We have a generic playlist for each age

For example "Nothing else matters" is part of 15 and "Where the wild roses grow" mark the beginning of 30's. Radiohead and Coldplay are timeless, and yes, somehow we are all "weirdo"s. And no, we are not comfortable with publicly enjoying cheesy hiphop pieces.

- We go to music festivals

because that is part of who we are: "a festival hippie".

- We go to social events to meet virtual people offline

First time is never easy.

- We are damn connected

We don't mind a broken TV but we can get physically ill when we have no connection to the internet for more than a day. Mac's and iphone's are still considered to be cool signs of a marginal personality.

- We are social, in our own way...

We are all on Facebook and we all appreciate Google.

- Master's degree is no longer a nice-to-have

Everyone's getting one so should we.

- We were very positive about having a mental disorder

such as paranoia, manic depression or schzophrenia once. We only stick with paranoia now.

- We remember what they did last summer

We can't recall what we ate for lunch three days ago but don't forget people we know and our interactions with them. Some, we know every word by heart.

- We have been on diet once the least

- We all have a Converse

- And we love making lists like this one

Istanbul, Final Thoughts

I care so much about where I am that my blog entries and my thoughts are filled with this subject now. I might even think of studying this further, the scientific way... I don't loose interest as I expected to when I travel more, my curiosity is unleashed on the contrary. It's not like I need to go to some exotic far east country to be head over heels about travelling, taking a walk at the back street of my apartment is enough to pump small packages of adrenaline into my bloodstream. As I discover new places, I compare them more, elaborate more, criticize more, and value more.

Right now I'm getting my memory back, about Istanbul. It took me a week. I'm getting at the root of my alienation after living abroad for three tiny months. It appears that I always had a numbness shield to prevent me from perceiving its negative sides. It's a lot like love, how you choose to perceive someone/something is very much different than who that person / what that thing is.

So, an invisible precaution bubble is a must in Istanbul, you need to lock yourself in when you are on wild wild streets. Do not listen to creaking horns, carefully bypass people who would otherwise bump into you, ignore hostile looks, ignore hungry looks, refrain from smelling the air - breathe only to survive-, always watch your back, always watch your bag, plan hours ahead to overcome the traffic, don't push people to the edge - they are explosive-, keep your hands clean -in every sense-, be careful where you're stepping -pavements are wavy-, don't talk to strangers that you want to -it's so not common, thus, dangerous-, don't expect the rules to be obeyed -constitution included-, don't expect your dinner to be served in a timely manner in a restaurant, don't freak out when someone tries to step in front of you in a queue -step further and ignore the failed attempt-, just don't expect people to behave, keep it calm. It's not about you, it's about the city.

Then, if you have any energy crumbs left, suck the fun out of this dark comedy. Enjoy the scenery. Watch people's destructive primitive actions that stems from uncontrollable levels of volatile emotions. Appearing on this evening's flash news as a casualty is always a high probability here. Be it sad, happy or tragic, you always have a story, some form of hook for your life. Maybe that's why I don't get thrilled by the books I read or the movies I watch anymore, real life here is much more interesting. This city is completely out of line. It leaves you no space for boredom. It doesn't leave you space for pretty much anything.

Back to the Black City

I'm back in Istanbul, only physically. I've been away for only three months but I have partial memory loss as to how I lived and loved living in this place. I feel like a legal alien as I try to re-adapt to routines here. The traffic routine, the shopping routine, the socializing routine, the business routine, the non-communication routine... Everything that I took for granted, that I didn't bother question... I spend a lot of effort trying to rationalize what is going on, every minute. Now that I have experienced other ways to living, I can come up with less reasons as to why I endure this constantly unnerving flow. Friends + family + adrenaline are three I can come up with. Not more. Peace can't make its way into the equation. Actually, I am not a fan of smoothly working systems and right-on-time-public-transports, but the only alternative to a dull life should not be a chaotic city chronically on fire. See, this is the first time I smell the dirt in the air, the first time I am irritated by sweating in summer. Totally alienated from this town, it almost feels like I've been away for more than 3 years. Despite the bitter beauty, it all feels in vain.