Right now I'm getting my memory back, about Istanbul. It took me a week. I'm getting at the root of my alienation after living abroad for three tiny months. It appears that I always had a numbness shield to prevent me from perceiving its negative sides. It's a lot like love, how you choose to perceive someone/something is very much different than who that person / what that thing is.
So, an invisible precaution bubble is a must in Istanbul, you need to lock yourself in when you are on wild wild streets. Do not listen to creaking horns, carefully bypass people who would otherwise bump into you, ignore hostile looks, ignore hungry looks, refrain from smelling the air - breathe only to survive-, always watch your back, always watch your bag, plan hours ahead to overcome the traffic, don't push people to the edge - they are explosive-, keep your hands clean -in every sense-, be careful where you're stepping -pavements are wavy-, don't talk to strangers that you want to -it's so not common, thus, dangerous-, don't expect the rules to be obeyed -constitution included-, don't expect your dinner to be served in a timely manner in a restaurant, don't freak out when someone tries to step in front of you in a queue -step further and ignore the failed attempt-, just don't expect people to behave, keep it calm. It's not about you, it's about the city.
Then, if you have any energy crumbs left, suck the fun out of this dark comedy. Enjoy the scenery. Watch people's destructive primitive actions that stems from uncontrollable levels of volatile emotions. Appearing on this evening's flash news as a casualty is always a high probability here. Be it sad, happy or tragic, you always have a story, some form of hook for your life. Maybe that's why I don't get thrilled by the books I read or the movies I watch anymore, real life here is much more interesting. This city is completely out of line. It leaves you no space for boredom. It doesn't leave you space for pretty much anything.
