I'm back in Istanbul, only physically. I've been away for only three months but I have partial memory loss as to how I lived and loved living in this place. I feel like a legal alien as I try to re-adapt to routines here. The traffic routine, the shopping routine, the socializing routine, the business routine, the non-communication routine... Everything that I took for granted, that I didn't bother question... I spend a lot of effort trying to rationalize what is going on, every minute. Now that I have experienced other ways to living, I can come up with less reasons as to why I endure this constantly unnerving flow. Friends + family + adrenaline are three I can come up with. Not more. Peace can't make its way into the equation. Actually, I am not a fan of smoothly working systems and right-on-time-public-transports, but the only alternative to a dull life should not be a chaotic city chronically on fire. See, this is the first time I smell the dirt in the air, the first time I am irritated by sweating in summer. Totally alienated from this town, it almost feels like I've been away for more than 3 years. Despite the bitter beauty, it all feels in vain.
