I'm trying to prevent a break-up with Istanbul.
We have known each other for 6 years, lived happily together for 5 of them. It was love at first sight and I was thinking this would go on forever. The energy, the attraction, the familiarity, the smell, the dynamism, the peace, the sea, the intimacy, the insecure safety, the colors, the freaks, the salty air, and a billion different kinds of music kept our relationship alive. I've met numerous cities during this time but none of them tempted me away from Istanbul, until I met two new cities a month ago: Hamburg and Berlin. No, they can't match Istanbul but they did made me see what it lacks. It was always there but I couldn't name it. Honestly, I'm still having a hard time wording it.
In a nutshell, the default flow of the city is consuming & confusing and you have to fight your way against the tide for it to be nurturing. Yes, everyone in Istanbul knows this and complains about it continuously. But I have come to a point where the fight has become absurdly challenging for no reason at all. The mesmerizing beauties of the city are hidden too well. On the otherside, Hamburg and Berlin were generous and enrinching without me even asking (also unlike other EU cities). There wasn't a premium service fee to peace of mind. There, I was judged by who I am instead of who the judges are. The dark tiring pressure I'm used to in Istanbul just wasn't there. By pressure, I don't mean the usual traffic, the noise, psychedelic neon lights or physical chaos... Crazy, but I like those. What disturbs me is the consumerism, the aimlesness, the sense of no direction, just fake short-term purposes and some anger to fill in the gaps. True, here you can be anyone, become anyone and do anything; but only within last week, 5 different baffled people have asked me to guide them on what to live for and how to live. Opportunities, chlostrophobic questions on how to make use of them, and no apparent answers...
The thing is, in Istanbul, life is made up of coincidences instead of choices. The society doesn't encourage you "to be" or "to be more". The society doesn't take its members into account...
In order to consciously take hold of your life here, you have to first survive the usual traffic, the noise, psychedelic neon lights and physical chaos. Then you have to rebuff the invasion of consumerism (which seems to be the joker answer that fits every question) before it consumes you. Then you have to ask yourself if there are better ways of fighting loneliness with your friends than just hanging around with them at the same old place a billionth time... Finally, set some goals, draw a rough roadmap, inform your friends so they can help you along the way.
Progress... Sounds capitalist right? Well, aiming for progress will not take you forward here, it'll only hopefully prevent you from being carried away, from forgetting how far your boundaries can reach. Still, Istanbul is a delicious mixture. I'll be away from it for a while, maybe to reconsider our relationship, but Istanbul will most probably tempt me back.
