Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand--
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep--while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Nobel laureate and founder of behavioral economics Daniel Kahneman reveals how our "experiencing selves" and our "remembering selves" perceive happiness differently. This new insight has profound implications for economics, public policy and our own self-awareness.
I've been meaning to write for so long on so many topics... My illness today is the reason I have the time to write today, and my illness is again the reason I forgot everything I wanted to write about. So you can stop reading if you expect to be showered with huge drops of knowledge, this is going to be a short stream of consciousness.
My illness... That's the only thing I can think of now, and not because I suffer or anything. The funny thing is I don't. I misused my body last week, fooling around on cold cold London streets for days and nights... I have a thing for open air, and when I get the chance to be outdoors, I don't stop till I collapse. Well, I did, with a sore throat. The weird thing is, I feel perfectly fine except this sore throat which doesn't let me speak or swallow. That's frustrating, aren't these illnesses supposed to come as packages of symptoms with fever, headache, cough, fatigue etc? You normally hurt all over, pain becomes the center of the world, blurs your vision, and you gain your conscious back only when you nicely recover? Not to complain, but I don't have any of those so I sit home and wait for recovery with eyes wide open, feeling bad at rejecting invitations because I have an excess of will, energy and excitation despite my inability to speak at the moment. All I can do is murmur... and except all the good wishes... and attention... and care... and delicious stuff... and listen to my favorite songs... and drift into dreams... hımm...
Dear Diary, I have less than 20 hours till my departure for London... RIGHT ON TIME. I don't have the words to explain my need to unplug and simply fly away. I don't have the words to explain the awakening I now feel deep in my long-asleep cells. I don't have the words to explain the beauty before my eyes when I look at the rest of the world. The rest of the world is shining, at 20°C.The sun is literally up again. But why this much relief when nothing was wrong with being here? Assume you are writing on a napkin with a pen. If you are not fast enough, the tip of the pen gets stuck into the fibers and there you have a naughty ink stain. If you leave the tip too long on the stain, the ink keeps flowing and the stain spreads its darkness further, eventually wetting and tearing the napkin off. But, if you don't get stuck too long into the fiber holes, your pen keeps flowing instead of the ink, and you can have a neat piece like this:
So the napkin, and this place, is perfectly fine. This post is about the energy-sucking fiber holes that people get stuck in time. You have to lift the pen up, and I have to take tomorrow's flight to avoid dark stains and keep on writing something neat that shines.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I certainly don't believe in Valentine's Day, or its cutie hearts, pink presents etc, but I really feel like celebrating love on this incredibly beautiful morning. So here you go,
What is your default mood? I mean, when nothing is bothering you much or making you happy, when things are sort of OK, what do you feel? Maybe on a lazy leisure weekend... maybe at point zero... or when there is sadly no laughter or crying left anymore... what do you feel when you just flow? Who do you become when you are not in the process of becoming something else? Just curious.
Do you have the existential blues pressing hard on your shoulders and making you focus on the phrase "life sucks"?
Do you find this world too funny to care about? Do you refer to your past life for giving you inspiration on what you should think and feel? Do you worry about what the future has in stock for you? Do you actively start looking for the next big thing in your life? Do you find chores to keep you busy and numb? or hang out with the gang? Do you become careless and narcissistic? Do you spread your love around and become one with the universe? Do you think it's time you have a child? or suicide?
Settlement... I've been staying within the borders of my own country for more than two months now. That's the normalcy if you are not uber-rich or if you are not working at an uber-global company. Because of my company, it's not my normalcy. I signed my contract with no marked desire to travel across borders like a wild cat, but the first two days of my business life I was in Ireland. The next two weeks, I was in London. Third week, I finally arrived at my office in Istanbul, stayed there for a whole day to meet with my colleagues and the next day, before I knew it, I was in Spain for a whole week of sales conference...
Travelling has become an urge for me within the past two years. The need rises and itches me. When people ask me where I'd rather be at some point in time, I think of an airplane. Above the clouds. Close to moon. Close to sun. Even its dream is like a deep breath. I even find silly reasons to go to the airport and just be close to departure gates. It's not just meeting new people, regular sightseeing or the joy of culture shocks... All details in the whole experience are gold for me. My travels have become the very milestones of my life, marking the end of one era and the beginning of the next. That's how my history is divided, and that's what I expect of the future.
At this point, as for clarification,
Yes, I watched Up in the Air and yes it did appeal to me very much,
No, I haven't become a little spoiled girl who finds it hard to put together a proper life in one place,
No, I am not trying to escape from some dark past life that bugs me at my origin country,
No, I am not trying to escape from the uncommon texture of this country either,
No, I don't feel as if I belong nowhere, on the contrary, I feel as if I belong everywhere.
But I've been here for a while now. And settlement feels... addictive as well. People you know start expecting to see you weekly or bi-weekly, no more "I'm here for the weekend, let's meet"s, they just pop into your house with a couple of drinks. Your plans are readily made for you. And people-you-don't-know-yet are more inclined to meet and jump into your life, assured with your presence. Apart from your exponentially growing social circle and sustainable private life, you invest in yourself by taking up long-term hobbies, making longer commitments, embracing your customized home as a place to live and not just a place to stay. Then you look out the window to see planes go by... Watching your alternate reality fly away, watching yourself let go of all the choices and lives that you could have had, but didn't, simply because you chose to stay... A few failed attempts taken in wrong directions keep you further away from the exit sign. But the trade-offs and if's accumulate on your shoulders and make it harder for you to breathe, especially when it's time to go home in the evenings, you run short of air. And it never gets any better, in time you only get more scared, fearing all the sacrifices you have done so far to stay, and afraid that, in a moment of enlightenment, your emotional & fiscal investment will dissipate. But as you stay on the ground, you loose sight of the bigger picture, and you tend forget. You forget what your essentials were, and slowly drown in customized details.
Extreme Ironing is "the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt". Humanity mesmerizes me...
Chemical Reaction is my easygoing blog about me, human mind, travelling, web, marketing, music and movies. In a nutshell, I'm a 24 year old Industry Analyst who lives in Istanbul and works for Google Turkey. Contact me at niluferayca@gmail.com for any comments or feedback. You can get my posts via email by subscribing below if you like.
